FINDING OUT I WAS PREGNANT:
After my two miscarriages, Alonso and I decided to take a break trying to have a baby. Miscarriages are physically and emotionally exhausting, and we wanted some time to heal from the heartbreak. I had just finished miscarrying my second baby, and I was awaiting my period. I was POSITIVE I was going to start it that Sunday. I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms like my first two pregnancies and I didn’t have that special “feeling” like I did when I was pregnant. Well, Sunday rolled around and I still hadn’t started yet. No worries though. Unpredictable cycles often follow miscarriages so I thought maybe my body wasn’t ready to get back into the groove of things just yet. That Sunday, I was trying to de-junk our apartment and randomly found a digital First Response Pregnancy Test. Which is CRAZY. Crazy. I used about 30 pregnancy tests (bought them on Amazon for cheap) for my second pregnancy and had I known there was a BRAND NEW DIGITAL TEST, I would’ve used the freakin heck out of it. Being the crazy tester that I am, I thought “hm, maybe I’ll take it just so I know I’m not pregnant and can be expecting my period soon.” I needed that confirmation so badly. After I peed on it, I laid it face down on the side of the tub (just as I always did) and got up and washed my hands. I flipped it over, nothing. Waited another minute, nothing. I was really starting to wonder if I was pregnant or not. What if I was??? What if I was wrong and there’s a little bean in there again?? I can still feel that nervous feeling I had, waiting for a sign from that little test. Finally, I flipped it over one last time and read “Yes +”. WHAT THE $%#?! My mouth literally dropped. The first thing I remember thinking is “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is ONE STUBBORN little baby.” It was really hard for me to be happy at first. I was so hesitant, so guarded, and so curious for this pregnancy. It wasn’t until I heard her heart beat for the first time that I was actually able to enjoy it. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t much longer after this 😉 )
Poor Alonso. This was round 3 for him. I was over the cute Pinterest “surprise” reveal. I went straight into the bedroom where he was and without saying anything, I showed him the test. Put it right in front of my face for him to see. I remember saying right away, “This is one stubborn baby.” It took a moment for it to register for him, but soon after we were laughing at our luck, how crazzzyyy fertile we are, and at how ridiculous it was that I was pregnant. Again. We’d had no breaks between miscarriages. Pregnant, miscarried, pregnant, miscarried, and now, pregnant again. My sweet Alonso was so happy though. One thing I LOVE about him and this story is how eager he was to love and hope for this child. Right away. He wasn’t guarded like I was. He was so so happy and thought of my pregnancy as the “real thing,” every time, no matter how many times we were burned. It was the sweetest thing and is something I never want to forget and something I definitely want to tell my daughter.
FIRST TRIMESTER SICKNESS:
Orrrr… lack of. First trimester was a breeze. Despite how crazy tired I was, I never felt pregnant. Never got sick, never ever threw up, had no food adversions… I feel bad for saying this because I have so many friends who had it so rough. I don’t know how I got so lucky but I hope all of my pregnancies are this way! I did have occasional nausea in the car and when I’d get super hungry, but this was close to normal so I honestly don’t count that. My first trimester was amazing.
WHEN WE FIRST HEARD HER HEART BEAT:
Oh my. This was the most magical moment of my life. I was an absolute wreck on our way to the appointment. I was 7 weeks pregnant. I’d had multiple ultrasounds with my two previous pregnancies and none of them showed as much as the sack. My babies never stuck. We got there, and met our ultrasound tech who reminded me so much of my little sister so that helped comfort me a bit. I told her how nervous I was and that I’d had two miscarriages before, just to prepare her for either a super happy or super depressing reaction. I had Alonso scoot his chair close to the bed so I could hold his hand and be near him. I’d watched a TON of YouTube videos of ultrasounds of 7 week old fetuses, so I felt like I knew what I was looking for. As soon as she inserted the probe (it was an internal ultrasound), I saw a big, black sack and a little body in the center. My hand flew to my mouth because I was so shocked to see something there. Before she could tell us, I saw a little flicker, and I knew that was the heartbeat. I immediately started sobbing. I put the ultrasound tech in tears. There was a REAL BABY in there!! I knew it was my little girl. I always knew it was her. In that moment, I just remember feeling in shock at the fact that this little baby trusted us to be her parents and I loved her for it. I knew that that little body already had a spirit and a personality and a total uniqueness about her. She wasn’t just a little tadpole, part of a science experiment, she was a tiny growing human and I fell in love with her.
WHAT MIGHT HAVE SAVED MY PREGNANCY:
Nearly a week after I heard my daughter’s heartbeat, I ran into a blogger I followed on Instagram. @kellyejensen. (FOLLOW HER!!) I LOVE Kelly. She is such an angel and was an incredible support to me during my miscarriages from her posts on IG. She’d had 7 miscarriages. Crazy and so heartbreaking. But her story was so uplifting and powerful, and it brought me up during my lows. I saw her at Soel Boutique in Provo and HAD to talk to her and tell her the impact she left on me. She was so warm and so happy to meet me, just as I was to meet her. I told her I was pregnant, not very far along, and was worried for my little one. She recommended I take progesterone and a baby aspirin every day. To NOT listen to my doctor and do it anyways because that was the one thing that helped her. Funny enough, my doctor had already dismissed my concern about progesterone and it was already on my mind. I started taking progesterone cream and baby aspirin immediately, and I truly believe it was the magic I needed to keep this pregnancy. Tender mercies are real and I believe I was meant to run into Kelly so I could start supplementing for my baby. <3 What a miracle!!
I kind of think “cravings” is just an excuse us pregnant women make to convince our husband’s to make 3am runs to McDonald’s.. HAHA. At least for me it was! (Every pregnant woman is different and I DON’T doubt that cravings can be real and extremely powerful lol). So, I can’t say much for cravings. I did really enjoy fruit, but I always love fruit. Now, I absolutely hated the taste of chocolate for the majority of my pregnancy. I gained that love back towards the end of my third trimester (hallelujah!). It tasted like candle wax to me. Yucky yucky yucky.
WHEN I FIRST FELT HER KICK:
Alonso and I were in Florida on vacation with his family. We had just come back from a cruise to the Bahamas (it was our babymoon and it was so much fun!!). I was lying in our bed at his parent’s house, reading articles about cellulite in pregnancy. I was feeling super down about my body changes and just wanted to know I wasn’t the only one. (I LIVED on forums during my pregnancy. I was on them every. day.) Alonso was on his laptop working on a report for work. It was pretty late and the whole house was asleep. I remember glancing from my phone to my exposed belly for JUST a second, and I saw a little movement on the left side. It was barely noticeable, but I knew it couldn’t be anything but my baby. I was 19 weeks. I immediately said, “ALONSO. GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.” Tears were rolling down my face. I started pressing on my belly to agitate her and she kicked again for Alonso to see. We were so happy. We hugged and laughed and played with her for a few minutes. She kicked me in the moment I needed her the most. I was feeling so down about my body and I felt like she was telling me everything was okay and this was all going to be worth it.
FINDING OUT THE GENDER:
Call it instinctual, coincidental, but I always knew my baby was a little girl. Both Alonso and I did. We picked out her name long before we found out her gender. We knew we wanted an early 16 week ultrasound to find out the gender, but a coworker told me when I was 12 weeks pregnant that we could find out at 14 weeks at an elective ultrasound studio. Soooo we booked an appointment at Fetal Fotos right away. Again, I had seen a dozen ultrasound videos on YouTube of gender reveals at 14 weeks so I knew what to look for on the monitor. As soon as she found baby girl’s little private parts, I knew it was a girl. It was clear as day. She told us it was a girl and I couldn’t contain my excitement. I didn’t cry this time, but I was smiling from ear to ear and Alonso was quite literally laughing in SHOCK. We told our families right away and everyone was laughing at poor Alonso because apparently being a girl Dad is very expensive 😉 I definitely don’t doubt that.
MY FIRST STRETCH MARK:
Speaking of body changes, finding my first stretch mark was THE WORST. I was wearing my robe (classic), laying on the couch and I started examining my legs and all of the new cellulite I was acquiring. So, I was already in a pretty depressed state lol. Lo and behold, I found a few brownish, red marks on the outside of my thighs. I was barely 25 weeks and knew I had a LOT of growing to go, so finding them this early was the most depressing thing for me (at the moment). I went to the mirror, stripped down naked and started counting my new stripes. Thennn I had a meltdown. This is the first time I realized my body would never be the same again. I got so mad at myself for ever hating my body before. I could just imagine all of the stretch marks I had yet to develop, the saggy boobs, the cellulite… THE MOM BOD. I knew it was in my future and I was NOT happy about it. When I showed Alonso, I expected him to look at them in shock like I was but all he said was, “Oh those? Those have been there for awhile.” HA. Guys just don’t think the same way. Once he realized how upset I was, he came to my aid and reassured me that stretch marks were okay, and that I looked beautiful. Bless his heart. Over time (and a short amount of time at that), I’ve come to like my tiger stripes and completely accept them. I don’t have my baby yet but I imagine that when I do, I’ll eventually learn to love them because I couldn’t have her without them.
This one was a hard one for me. I’ve been a size 0-4 my entire life, so packing on the pounds as quickly as I did was SUPER hard. I’ve gained over 50 pounds with the pregnancy. Phew. That is killer to say online. It is what is is, though and that’s how I’ve learned to accept it. I’m growing a tiny human. And I was already a kind of tiny human, so my body did what it needed to do to sustain both of us. (Also, I turned into a total junk-eating fatty this pregnancy so that didn’t help.) If I had any advice for women that aren’t pregnant yet, it’s that YOU’RE NOT EATING FOR TWO. And to eat as healthy as you possibly can with occasional and seldom binges. I’m excited for my next pregnancy because I’m going to do it right next time. Being pregnant is the ultimate excuse to eat whatever you can get your hands on, but I won’t fall victim to that again. I can’t wait to have this baby so I can start exercising again! It’s going to be a shocking before and after picture hahaha.
LAST FEW WEEKS OF PREGNANCY:
The last few weeks have been the toughest. I was having reallllllyyy bad sleep at one point because we didn’t have air conditioning, but once we fixed that problem, I’ve slept like a baby ever since. The toughest part has been moving around. Getting dressed…. Walking…. Using the bathroom…. Picking up a sock…. EVERYTHING. And I’m so uncomfortable doing it. I’ve had several meltdowns about it because I just feel so handicapped! I’ve depended on Alonso a LOT for minor tasks and though I know he’s sick of it, he’s been so sweet about it and so serving. I’m so thankful for him. And SO ready to get this baby out. Pregnancy is no joke, y’all. I had it easy with my first trimester but my last trimester is really hitting me hard. But it’ll soon be over and I know I’ll quickly forget the aches and pains and miss her little kicks and having her so close to my heart. This pregnancy has has been a wonderful rollercoaster and I’m so ready to meet my little flower.